Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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