Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
