Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
