I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
