I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
