Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
