you have to choose: penises or morals?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
