he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
