Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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