508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
