As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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