a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
