They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
