all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
