I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
