Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm passing your future prison.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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