I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
