best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
