Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
