Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
