That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
