I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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