found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
