I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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