I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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