dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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