Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
