I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
