i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
