I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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