i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
