what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
