You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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