are you still at the devil's house?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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