I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
