The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
