Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
