WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
