3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
