thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's blow job season.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We need a shit load of segways right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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