You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
