the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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