i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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