my sisters under your porch take her home
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
