u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
