Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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