I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
