you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
