Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
