The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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