he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
