I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
