no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When are your genitals available?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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