Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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