i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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