: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
