i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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