I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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