thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
