First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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