question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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