So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
